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Domestic violence is a pattern of violent behaviors that adults or adolescents use against their intimate partners. Abuse can cause injury and even death, but it does not have to be physical. Domestic violence also includes sexual, psychological abuse, verbal and emotional abuse as well an economic control over another person. They can occur together or separately.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or just dating. It affects people of all educational backgrounds and income levels. Regardless of gender, the pattern of behaviors that a batterer uses to gain control is always the same.
Domestic violence is about control. Batterers use the power they have, social and/or physical, to establish control within an intimate relationship. They use a pattern of behaviors to intimidate, manipulate and physically violate their partners.
Stress, intergenerational violence, and/or psychopathology are additional factors related to abuse to women. Sometimes abuse is blamed on drugs or alcohol or unemployment. All of these can be stressful to any relationship, however, these factors are only related. They are not the cause of abuse.
95% of domestic violence victims are women assaulted by men. Therefore, we choose to represent the abuser as “he”. It is important to emphasize, however, that females can also be abusive, and is equally unacceptable. Domestic violence against a person is never justified or acceptable. There is never an excuse for domestic violence. It, like any other criminal behavior, is a choice; domestic violence is a crime!
There is a common pattern found in abusive relationships. Not all relationships experience this pattern, but for some women experiencing violence, identifying this pattern or cycle can often mean the difference between life and death. The pattern is known as the Cycle of Violence.
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| Characteristics of Domestic Violence |
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The power and control wheel is a helpful tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors that are used by abusers to establish and maintain control over their partner. Very often, one or more violent incidents are accompanied by an array of other types of abuse that are less easily identified. Yet a pattern of power and control in relationships is firmly established.
Click here to download the Power and Control Wheel
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| Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship |
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The equality wheel is a helpful tool in understanding the overall pattern of peaceful behaviors reflected in relationships of mutual respect between partners. These equality traits blend together to create an environment of trust, support and freedom from violence.
Click here to download the Equality Wheel
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If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, don’t be afraid to offer help, you just might save someone’s life. Here are some ways you may offer help:
Offer comfort and support. Support her as a friend.
Tell her that she is not alone and she is not to blame.
Tell her she doesn't deserve to be threatened, hit or beaten.
Talk about what a healthy relationship should be. Show her the Violence and Non-Violence Wheels.
Provide information on services/resources available to battered women.
Help her plan safe strategies for leaving the abusive relationship, often called a safety plan.
Ask if she has suffered physical harm. Go with her to the hospital to check for injuries.
Help her report the assault to the police, if she chooses to do so.
Go with her to court to get a protection order to prevent further harassment by the abuser. If you can't go, find someone who can.
Allow her to make her own decisions, even if it means she isn't ready to leave the abusive relationship.
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